Monday, April 11, 2011

Less Blogging, but Still Counting

In the last month waves of grief from years past hit me low, bending me to my heart's knees.  And then, the death of a dear family member who had been estranged from the family for many years brought gales of grief present.  But my FATHER, He was here, bringing joy in the midst of the mourning.

You see, when drug abuse, alcohol abuse, child abuse, domestic abuse, and divorce ravage a whole generation of a family, lives shatter, the children stagger, scatter.  People who were here then, are absent the next day.  It happened in my family.  In the storms that broke the marriages when i was a young adult, i lost contact with many family members.  Some completely left the family (divorce does that), some of us were simply left in our own wreckage, the pain and repercussions separating us from those we had been so close to.

For many years i've worked through the wreckage of my life, and found precious gems of God's handiwork...mercy, healing, restoration, a good husband, precious children ~ a new family.  And almost, i forgot the missing them part of me.  Those people from where i come from, missing them. 

Uncle Jack, June 1986But then, word came, my uncle died.  The one who taught me to drive. 
The one who traveled with my aunt and cousins to celebrate my high school graduation.  The one who held me when i was 19, unwed, and pregnant and told me "You will be a good mom." 

Yes, Uncle Jack was a very special man in my life.  Then drug addiction stole him from all of us.  And i never saw him again.  Sometimes you really don't know that you have a missing piece of your heart, until the finality of death.

So i traveled last week to honor the him as the man that i knew, and to seize the opportunity to stand next to my cousins, his children.  What i didn't know, was that i was also traveling into the arms of my aunts and my cousins.  Now on the other side of all that brokenness, able to be among the women of my family, embraced and welcomed home.

Uncle Terry, Aunt Cathy, Alayna, Chris, Aunt Nancy, Jenny & Carter, Aunt Mary, Felica & Moi
Joy consumes grief in those moments, humble gratitude.

Counting #483-506

Grace at the end of the day, to know that His mercies will be new in the morning.
An understanding husband
Inexpensive flight to join grieving family and remember a much loved uncle
Good friends to care for my children while I travel quickly
My sister
A flight that puts me back in our airport 10 minutes before Builders flight from a different trip? Joy!
A child praying for my heart to be comforted
Seeing extended family members after so long
Being lovingly embraced back by my aunts
Long lost cousins
The displacement of divorce is washed away
Fresh snow on The mountain.

1 comment:

  1. Oh precious friend! So much emotion in this post. I'm so sorry for all of the hurts and pain. I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle.

    At the same time I rejoice at the gifts you name - family, love and joy.

    Praying God would continue to speak to your heart and draw you close as you praise and thank Him!

    Love you


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